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20 March 2007 @ 03:13 pm
Fic: Lives Once Lived (Sam, Dean, OFC) PG  
Title: Lives Once Lived
Rating: PG
Word Count: 894
Spoilers/Warnings: Pilot and Skin (for character mention)and an OFC is briefly in there.
Summary: This place rings with echoes of/Lives once lived but now are lost
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Supernatural. It belongs to Eric Kripke.
Notes: Written for the From Ashes fic-a-thon. It's late but better late than never, right? My song was "Blood to Bleed" by Rise Against. The first verse is the only thing that inspired this fic, lol.



Dean eyed Sam, worry growing with each minute that he stayed silent. He glanced from Sam to the building in front of them.

“Sam?” He didn’t say anything else, didn’t have to. Sam understood what he was asking.

You okay? We can leave right now, make some excuse.

Sam nodded. “Yeah.” I’m fine. Let’s just get inside.

Dean didn’t say anything, just nodded and led the way into the building.

~*~*~


Sam couldn’t stop staring once they were inside. It didn’t matter that it’d been over a year since he’d been here. He could still imagine what it had once been like, could still hear the way Jess had laughed at him the time Lily Jenkins’ dog had run between his legs and caused him to trip when he had come to check the mail. He knew that the fourth stair creaked when you stepped on it and he remembered the look on Brian’s face when he’d fallen off the last two steps because he was so drunk he could barely stand.

This had been home.

He blinked when he realized that Dean had stopped and was knocking on a door. Only a few moments later, the door opened and the young woman standing there smiled.

“Sam!” She launched herself forward, wrapping her arms around him and told him in a soft voice that they all missed him and had been worried about how he was doing lately. He saw the way Dean raised an eyebrow when he answered that he was doing fine and fought the urge to make a face at him.

“Amanda, this is my brother Dean. Dean, this is Amanda.”

Her smile was open and friendly. “Nice to meet you, Dean.” She motioned towards the door. “Come on in and then you can tell me why Becky told me you’d be able to help with all the weirdness going on around here.”

~*~*~


It turned out to be a poltergeist and as Dean looked around the living room, he realized that this had been one of the easier jobs. He glanced at Sam and the way he stared out the window and he couldn’t have been happier about that fact. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Sam couldn’t handle it if it had turned out to be something else but Dean didn’t want him to have to. He’d already seen what it was doing to Sam to be back here, not just in the city but in the building where he’d lived with Jess.

They’d only been here for a couple of days and Sam was already tossing and turning at night again.

He blinked as he realized that Amanda was talking to him and Sam and Sam was agreeing with her. He tuned back into the conversation in time to hear her say that they’d barbecue for dinner. A smile crossed his face when he heard Sam laugh and say something about how he was surprised she hadn’t melted the small grill yet.

“Just because I set the curtains on fire one time doesn’t mean I’m going to melt the grill.”

“You never did tell me how you managed to do that.”

Amanda bit her lip. “Well, I…oh hell.” She sighed. “I was lighting some candles.”

Dean raised an eyebrow as Sam snorted. “You know, why don’t I handle the grill?” he said. He smirked. “Sam might blow the food up.”

“I can cook,” Sam insisted, frowning.

“Sure you can, Sammy.”

Dean figured things were getting better when Sam just rolled his eyes and muttered, “It’s Sam.”

~*~*~


Picking the lock was as easy as it had been the time he’d forgotten his keys. Sam sucked in a breath when he pushed open the door and then stepped inside.

It was empty, something he’d been prepared for since Amanda had said repairs had taken awhile and the one person who had lived here since had recently moved out to live with her boyfriend.

He took a few more steps and caught himself staring at the wall, searching for the hole that Jess had made when he’d startled her while she hung a picture. He remembered the way she’d scowled at him and then hung the picture a little higher so that the hole was covered.

Sam let out a breath as he walked into the bedroom, bracing himself for the memories that were sure to come. And there they are, from the first time he walked in here to find Jess falling on the bed, laughing with exhaustion, to the last time when he came in to find her pinned to the ceiling. Some are good, some are bad and some just are but he doesn’t do anything about them, just lets them wash over him. Standing there, Sam can’t help but let himself relax as he felt something inside him begin to finally heal.

Saying it out loud would be too weird so he just nods at the room and says a silent goodbye to Jess and the life they had.

When he walked back into Amanda’s place, Dean looked at him and raised an eyebrow and it was really no surprise that Dean knew exactly where he’d gone.

Sam nodded once, answering Dean’s unspoken question. I’m fine.

Dean studied him for a moment as if to check the truth of his answer before nodding in response. Good.
 
 
Feeling: accomplishedaccomplished
 
 
 
questioning in order to create: brotherstigriswolf on March 20th, 2007 09:56 pm (UTC)
Lovely.
Nicole: Sam & Dean - brothersblue_icy_rose on March 21st, 2007 06:33 am (UTC)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
Nicole: Wee!Winchestersblue_icy_rose on March 21st, 2007 06:35 am (UTC)
Yeah, every single time I see them exchanging "looks" on the show, I get this feeling that they're having a whole conversation or something, lol. I figure, they have codewords and everything so they can probably talk without words too. Thanks for reading!
THE TURBO SLUTevolia on March 20th, 2007 11:43 pm (UTC)
Gosh, I loved this. Well written, very well written brothers here. Just lovely. Made me feel soooo bad for Sam...and I already do, a lot, most of the time (when i'm not lusting him up, I guess ^^).

Anyway, that was a great short read. I would ask for more but I think it's break the sweet magic of it.
Nicole: Jared - Southern charmblue_icy_rose on March 21st, 2007 06:37 am (UTC)
No one can blame you for lusting on Sam. ^_^ And thank you so much! I'm so glad you thought the boys were well-written in this.
THE TURBO SLUTevolia on March 21st, 2007 10:29 am (UTC)
I think I still have a lot of work on how to write them okay myself, but when I understand them so well, and I swear I could feel Sam's pain here, I just think it's beautifully done.

Man, I need to work on more fics. I'm off to read some more of yours, I think ^^
Ellebbrownsugar on March 21st, 2007 05:12 am (UTC)
Aw. Boys. Sam's pain is so palpable; you almost make me wanna cry, and trust me, that is a compliment. Lovely.
Nicole: My strength - Winchesters!blue_icy_rose on March 21st, 2007 06:38 am (UTC)
I'll definitely take it as one! *g* Thank you!
iamstealthyoneiamstealthyone on March 21st, 2007 11:11 pm (UTC)
Nicely done. Poor Sam and his ghosts. *hugs him*

Favorite lines:

It didn’t matter that it’d been over a year since he’d been here. He could still imagine what it had once been like, could still hear the way Jess had laughed at him the time Lily Jenkins’ dog had run between his legs and caused him to trip when he had come to check the mail. He knew that the fourth stair creaked when you stepped on it and he remembered the look on Brian’s face when he’d fallen off the last two steps because he was so drunk he could barely stand.


I really like these snippets of the past. They lend nice insight into Sam’s life back at Stanford.

Sam nodded once, answering Dean’s unspoken question. I’m fine.

Dean studied him for a moment as if to check the truth of his answer before nodding in response. Good.


Love their silent communication. Sometimes they really say the most when they say nothing at all.
Nicole: Sam & Dean - brothersblue_icy_rose on March 24th, 2007 09:35 am (UTC)
Their silent communication is one of my favorite things about this. ^_^ And Sam's memories were fun to think of because while they weren't big things, they were still things that stuck with him. Thank you so much!
(Deleted comment)
Nicole: Sam/Ava - Yay!blue_icy_rose on March 24th, 2007 09:37 am (UTC)
Thank you! I had fun with it. ^_^

And, lol, don't worry about it. Also? Love that icon!
Sarah :): SPN--Sammy acknowledges your pain! :)sarah_p on March 25th, 2007 09:04 am (UTC)
Wow, Nicole. I'm always amazed at how in so few words, you always manage to write really poignant, evocate moments (with this fic being no exception). I love the premise, to begin with--I don't think I've ever read a fic where Sam went back not only to Stanford, but to his old apartment. It worked really well. You balance the kind of melancholic sadness really nicely, so the fic isn't a downer--in fact, it's HOPEFUL, which is what I love so much about it.

I love that Dean knew exactly where Sam was, and the idea of them speaking without words is perfect. It's just so them.

Sam nodded once, answering Dean’s unspoken question. I’m fine.

LOVE! :)

And then you bring it all home with the last line--it says so much about...well, everything. Dean's concern over Sammy, Sammy's ability to maybe begin moving on, Dean's KNOWLEDGE of Sam, and ability to know when Sam is telling the truth...it's all so fabulous, and it's spelled out in such beautifully simplistic terms.

So, yeah. I really enjoyed this one :).
Nicole: My strength - Winchesters!blue_icy_rose on March 27th, 2007 08:57 pm (UTC)
Sarah! This comment had me grinning for who knows how long. And any response I come up with just doesn't seem adequate, you know? It just made my day to know how much you liked it and to get such wonderful compliments.

I'm so glad the way I wrote the boys worked and even happier that this seems to be new when it comes to him going back to the apartment because I always wonder how that would go. Basically? I don't know if thanks is enough when it comes to a response but that's pretty much all I've got. So...thank you, hon!