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23 January 2007 @ 05:15 pm
I don't even know.  
It's not like I've had a bad day or anything. I just don't know. I was fine all day, smiling and laughing and then I got home and I was trying to do homework and I just felt this need to just sit there and cry. So I did. And now I can't shake the feeling off, I can't seem to get back to smiling and laughing.

I'm pretty sure it's been building for at least the past few days but I've been able to brush it off and just keep going with whatever I was doing. And I haven't felt like being around people so I've been avoiding leaving my room and doing my reading in there instead of the living room or something where I could talk.

It's just weird, you know? It just seems to come and go because I'll be in my room, doing homework and I'll have this urge to go hang out with people and then after awhile I just have to get away from them because then I start to get a headache. I'm wondering if classes have anything to do with it. Don't get me wrong, I love my English classes but participation plays a part in our grade in both. And some of you may remember what I was like the night before I had to get in front of the class so they could talk about my paper and tell me what they did and didn't like. (Or what I get like before a presentation.) I didn't sleep at all the night before.

I was pretty proud of myself today though. I spoke up during the one English class that I had today and I didn't say anything really important or major, just really offered my opinion while trying to answer the professor's question but the thing of it was, I actually spoke up. Normally, during class, I've perfected how to not draw attention to myself. Avoid eye contact, always be writing or looking at your book, etc. And I did those today too but then I spoke up because I'm going to try and do that more this semester. Maybe it helped that I knew the people sitting around me or something, I don't know. (I'm nervous about one other class though since I know I have to have all the reading done on time because she has us fill out cards and then shuffles the cards, pulls one out and whoever's card she draws has to answer the next question or two. I had the same professor last semester and didn't get my card pulled once. So I've got a feeling that it's coming up.)

Sorry to just dump it all on you guys, I just had to get it out and see if it helped any. It did a bit and now I think I might make myself a cup of hot chocolate (because it's fricking cold over here despite the fact that I'm in Las Cruces...seriously, it's supposed to be warmer over here than it is up north) and read some Jane Eyre because even though it's my homework, I love that book. I read it while I ate lunch today. (I think I may be what some affectionately call a nerd/geek/dork/whatever because I'm perfectly happy sitting off to the side by myself with a good book, lol.) So yeah, I think that's the plan. Hot shower is sounding kind of relaxing too.

Yeah, so thanks for letting me vent or whatever. Hopefully your day is going good. I'll catch up on LJ later.
Feeling: restlessrestless
Soundtrack: Memories - Within Temptation
Ravenjaded_icy_rose on January 24th, 2007 02:31 am (UTC)
*HUGS* I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^
Kelly: Bagteagues_veil on January 24th, 2007 05:47 am (UTC)
I hate it when you feel craptastic and you don't know WHY. It's the most infuriating thing ever! I hope you feel better soon.
Lisaexposed1 on January 24th, 2007 04:27 pm (UTC)
Hey sweetie, I know how that can be. I've kinda been introverted this week for some reason. Well I think I know why I'm feeling that but yeah. *hugs* Hope things take a turn for the better.