Log in

No account? Create an account
12 August 2007 @ 12:46 am
Fic: This Can't Be Good (Dean/Xander) R  
Title: This Can't Be Good
Word Count: 2,190
Characters/Pairings: Dean/Xander, hint of Sam/Dawn with appearances by Willow and Buffy as well
Rating: R
Summary: A call for some help from the Scoobies doesn't turn out as planned.
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, or Supernatural. The first two belong to Joss Whedon and the third belongs to Eric Kripke. I'm just borrowing them.
Note: I had this sitting on my computer for an old challenge at spn_btvs and finally got around to finishing it so I decided to post it. Enjoy and feedback is always welcome!


Xander pulled back and laughed lightly. “Maybe later,” he said before dipping back down, skimming his lips over Dean’s chest. A scowl was his only answer. He moved lower, lifting his gaze to meet Dean’s and then paused as the phone rang causing Dean to swear again.

His hand tangled in Xander’s hair. “Ignore it.”

“Much as I want to, I can’t.” Xander sighed and pushed himself up, already reaching for his phone. “If it’s not important, then I’ll make it up to you.” He didn’t wait for a response before answering his phone. “Hey, Willow, what’s up? Don’t tell me the apocalypse has decided to come early this year.” He grinned as he heard Dean muttering something about hating his friends and expecting the best damn blow job of his life if the call wasn’t important. The grin faded as he listened to Willow talk about what was going on in Cleveland now. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced at Dean who was staring at him with one eyebrow raised. “Yeah, I’ll call you back,” he said, hanging up.


“Demons opening up a portal because they’re trying to get their hands...or claws, whatever, on an amulet that they’ll need to open the Hellmouth. Willow said that normally they’d be able to handle it but a lot of the Slayers are out of town working on something completely different and there’s a ritual involved and they need some extra help.”

Dean’s lips twitched at the hint of babble even as he began calculating how long it would take them to get to Cleveland. “When’s the ritual?”

“Less than a week.”

“We can be there in three days. Two if we push it.”

“Unless they need us to prepare or something, I don’t think we’ll need to push it.”

Nodding, Dean sat up. “You call Willow and I’ll let Sam know.”

Before he could even think of moving off the bed, Xander had pulled him back. “Not so fast.” He smiled. “I did say I’d make it up to you.”

Even as he arched into the hand that Xander slid down his stomach, Dean’s eyebrows rose. “I thought that was only if the call wasn’t important.”

“Are you saying you don’t want a blow job?”

“Do I look insane to you?”


Dean snorted. “Shut up.”


Sam flipped through John’s journal, frowning. He’d been hoping to find some mention of the ritual in there.

Obviously that had been too much to hope for.

He sighed. “What’s the ritual again?” he asked, glancing towards the backseat where Xander was stretched out as much as he could with his eye closed.

“I don’t know the details. Just that it’ll open a portal so that the demons can get an amulet that will help them open the Hellmouth.” He shrugged and opened his eye, giving Sam an apologetic look.

Sam nodded but couldn’t resist double-checking. “Nothing else?”

Dean groaned. “No, nothing. Just like the last three times you asked.” He smirked a bit. “But I’m sure if you asked Dawn when we get there, she’d be happy to tell you.”

Sam swore as he felt his cheeks heat up. “Shut up, Dean,” he muttered. Dean just grinned, satisfied that he’d been able to confirm that Sam liked her.

Xander owed him twenty bucks for that one. He had thought Sam liked Willow.

He looked in the rearview mirror and had to bite down on the inside of his cheek to fight back the laugh that almost escaped at the way Xander was looking at Sam as if he’d just betrayed him.

“Damn,” he muttered.

“What?” Sam turned to look at him. “Did you forget something at the diner?”

Dean snorted causing Xander to narrow his eye at him before turning back to Sam. “No. I just remembered something that I need to talk to the girls about.” He shook his head. “Forget your wallet one time and you never live it down.”

Sam slid his gaze over to Dean and smirked. “Yeah, well I just don’t want to be stuck listening to Dean bitch about lost time for the next hour or so, that’s all.”

“I did not bitch for an hour!”

“He’s right you know.” Xander smirked. “It was more like two.”

“Whose side are you on?”

Xander didn’t answer, just grinned and closed his eye again.

“Xander.” Nothing. “Xander.” Dean let out a breath when there was still no answer. “You know, I can keep this up for hours, just ask Sammy.”

“Used to annoy the crap out of me when we were kids.”

He sighed. “In that case, Dean, then yes, I’m on your side.”

Dean smirked. “I thought so.”


“Willow! How’s my witchy friend?” Xander grinned. “Are you breaking women’s hearts all around the country?”

Willow was laughing as she hugged Xander. “Very funny, Xander. Don’t make me get Andrew. I think he’s still holding out hope Mr. Gay Me Up.”

Xander blushed as Dean smirked and Sam raised an eyebrow. Then he paused. “Don’t make me bring up the evil gay vampire thing.” At that, everyone’s eyes widened. Willow stared at him in shock before smiling sweetly.

“Do we want to talk about who evil gay vampire was with?” She raised an eyebrow and Xander stuck his tongue out at her.

“Evil gay vampire?” Sam asked.

“Who was this vamp with?” Dean added, looking at Xander as if he already knew the answer. Xander didn’t answer, choosing to give Dean the most innocent look he could manage.

“Oh it was this thing in high school.” Willow nodded. “And definitely a story for another time.”

“Exactly. After all, we’ve got a ritual to stop, right? Right.” Xander turned towards the door as it opened again and grinned, glancing back at Dean and winking. Dean looked over at Sam and snorted before turning back to Xander who was laughing and hugging Dawn. “Good to see you too, Dawn. And now air is becoming an issue.”

“Well, I never get to see you now what with you running around the country hunting spirits and having all sorts of gay sex.” She pulled away. “So I have to get in big Xander hugs whenever I can.”

Xander blinked. “Okay, we are never talking about my sex life.”

Dawn pouted at him for a few moments and then shrugged. “Fine. I’ll just get the details from Buffy.”


She smirked and walked down the steps to hug Dean and Sam. “Hey guys, how was your trip?”

“Not bad but this is way more entertaining,” Dean said, his amusement over Xander’s embarrassment obvious.

“I do what I can.” She turned towards Sam. “Hey, Sam.” She grabbed his hand and started pulling him up the stairs. “Come on, you can help me research.”

Dean snorted and Xander coughed to try and cover the laugh. Sam turned and glared at them, mouthing at them to shut up.

Willow waited until they were out of earshot before turning towards Xander and Dean. “So he likes her, huh?”

“Oh yeah.” Xander paused. “Why?”

She started up the stairs. “I want to see what happens when Buffy finds out.”


A couple days later, Xander and Dean were still laughing about the look on Sam’s face when Buffy had given him a pointed look and then put him and Dawn on separate sides of the battle. Barely an hour later, Sam had gotten the now customary shovel talk.

“I can’t believe Buffy and Willow threatened to beat me to death with a shovel,” Sam muttered. Dean grinned as he remembered the way tiny Buffy Summers had advanced on his brother until he’d backed up into a tree.

“You damn well better have gotten that speech. I did. And Willow threatened to turn me into a rat and lock me in a room with cheese on mouse traps if I hurt Xander.”

“She threatened to put me in a maze of mirrors that never ends with clowns if I hurt Dawn. It was Buffy’s idea.”

Xander’s jaw dropped. “That’s horrible! Cruel and unusual punishment even.” He nodded.

“What?” Dean frowned. “When you heard what they told me, you started laughing. But Sam gets the sympathy?”

“Well, clowns are evil. If you got turned into a rat, it’d still be possible to keep you as a pet.”

“That’s...really disturbing.”

“Not really. When Amy turned herself into a rat, Willow kept her as a pet for years. But then she became human again and went overboard with the magic.” Xander paused. “And the time Amy turned Buffy into a rat but that was because of the whole love spell incident and Amy was pissed that Buffy was standing in front of me with only a robe on.”

“Buffy was only wearing a robe? When?”

“High school.”

“Some weird shit happened at your high school.” Dean shook his head while Sam just stared at Xander for a few moments before blinking and turning to face forward.

“You don’t even know the half of it.”

Sam glanced over again. “There’s weirder?”

“Have I told you about the invisible girl or the arm that tried to pull me into my locker? Or prom? Or how about the time when all our nightmares were coming true? Yeah, that was more fun than a barrel of monkeys.”

“How did that happen?” Sam asked.

“No,” Dean said before Xander could open his mouth to respond. “Save story time for later. We got demons coming.” He nodded in the direction the demons were coming and each of them automatically shifted, gripping their weapons. Around them, the others did the same and Xander grinned as Buffy moved to the front to stand next to them.

“I wondered when you’d get up here.”

“Like I was going to just sit in the back and wait for them to come to me.” She grinned and adjusted her hold on her sword. “I don’t think so.”

Xander didn’t have time to say anything else as the demons attacked. To his right, he heard Dean make a crack about heads rolling and he laughed, imagining the look he knew Sam had given him at that remark.

It wasn’t until he felt the energy begin to build that he realized the demons had made sure to hold a few back so they could perform the ritual. He swore, unable to believe that they hadn’t thought of that.

Buffy followed his gaze and let loose with enough swearing that Xander decided she must have been spending more time with Faith recently. They began to run in that direction, Dean and Sam not far behind them.

“Willow! We’re going to need a bit more magic here!”

“On it,” was the only response.

Xander hacked at one of the demons with his axe, noting the way Buffy ducked a claw and Dean kicked one in the stomach. He spun, swearing when he felt his shirt tear, and saw Sam punch one before stabbing it. He continued to using his axe until the demon he was fighting could do nothing more than twitch and then he grinned, noticing that the other three had also managed to take down their demons. His grin faded when he noticed the portal that had opened during the fight and vaguely he registered Willow screaming at them to get away from it as fast as they could.

Before any of them could even think of moving, there was a flash of light, blinding everyone. By the time they could see again, the portal was closed and the only things left in that area were the demons.


“Son of a bitch.”

Xander let out a small sigh of relief. That answered his question on how Dean was doing. He looked around and saw Dean sitting on the ground, Sam not too far from him.

“I really hate portals,” Buffy muttered, frowning. Xander turned to look at her, checking to see if she was okay.

“Yeah, I could see how that would work.”

Sam let out a breath. “Does this look familiar to anyone?” His shoulders slumped as everyone shook their heads.

“With our luck, we landed in a freaking demon dimension,” Dean said. Xander reached out and smacked him in the shoulder. “Dude!”

“Never say ‘with our luck’ in situations like this. You just end up dooming yourself and others.”

Buffy’s eyes locked on something behind Xander and her eyes widened. “Little late for that.”

The other three turned to find themselves facing a group of people, three who were holding guns on them, and froze.

“They came through the light,” one of the girls said.

“That’s great,” the man in the front said and Xander felt himself go pale at the sight of the man who looked so much like Caleb. He knew he’d made some sort of sound by the way Dean glanced at him, body tense, and Buffy shifted closer to him. “But that doesn’t explain who they are and what the hell they’re doin’ on my gorram ship!”

Xander swallowed and said the only thing that he could think of. “This can’t be good.”
Feeling: tiredtired
Kateslayerkate on August 12th, 2007 07:38 am (UTC)
SEQUEL! Please?
Nicole: Firefly cast....hee!blue_icy_rose on August 25th, 2007 12:17 am (UTC)
Hee! I'm going to be considering it definitely. Thanks for the comment, Kate! ^_^
chosenfire28: DEANchosenfire28 on August 12th, 2007 07:55 am (UTC)
Tell me you are contiuing this PRETTY pretty please *pouts* pweaaase.

I LOVE it, from the Dean and Xander banter to the shovel talks to every freaking little thing and landing on board the Serenity is hilarious on so many levels. I can just see Buffy having aa thing for Mal (despite the resemblence to Claeb) Dean and Jayne eithers getting along or almost killing each other and Dean's reaction to River, that would be priceless. Not to mention Xander and Dean doing it in every room on the ship because how can they not.

I love this so much it was fun to read and made me smile, here's me hoping you write more, in any verse.
Nicole: Nummy treat Xander.blue_icy_rose on August 25th, 2007 12:21 am (UTC)
LOL. There might be a continuation of this sometime but not just yet. And while I like the idea of Buffy/Mal, I think the Caleb resemblance might be an obstacle for awhile there.

Thanks for reading it and glad you enjoyed!
Rachel_sin_attract on August 14th, 2007 06:31 am (UTC)
EEEE Oh this was excellent! Great crossover, great characterazation and dialogue, and mmmmm Dean/Xander. The world needs more of this pairing, yes? :P Please tell me there might be more?
Nicole: Spike/Dru/Xander - Foreverblue_icy_rose on August 25th, 2007 12:23 am (UTC)
Thanks! I'm so glad you liked it and thought it worked. And yes, the world really does need more Dean/Xander. And yup, there might be more, just not quite yet.
(Deleted comment)
Nicole: Amused Jensenblue_icy_rose on August 25th, 2007 12:24 am (UTC)
*is still giggling over your icon*

Thanks for reading! Hee, I'm very glad you enjoyed this.
Ashley: Sammy laughgeeky_ginger on August 14th, 2007 10:06 pm (UTC)
Bwahahahahaha!!!!! Oh you have to do a sequel! I mean seriously! You've not only created a slash pairing that I've never seen before but love so much, but you've officially combined three of my all time favorite shows!

Seriously, this demands a sequel!
Nicole: Alec squee!blue_icy_rose on August 25th, 2007 12:26 am (UTC)
So this was your first Dean/Xander? Yay! That makes me all sorts of happy. I might do a sequel but not just yet since I have a few other fics that I have to get done (one of which I should have finished Wednesday...oops!).

Thanks for reading!
Ashleygeeky_ginger on August 25th, 2007 12:42 am (UTC)
Yeah it was...guess I'm behind the times, eh?

Well, whenever you do a sequel I'll be here to read it. :-D
Nicole: B & W - the boys. ^_^blue_icy_rose on August 26th, 2007 11:42 pm (UTC)
Nah, you're not behind. I was just pretty damn happy that I managed to introduce someone else to the pairing, lol. I don't see much Dean/Xander on LJ. I've read all the Dean/Xander I read when I went to Twisting the Hellmouth. There's some good ones there. Especially if you change the rating settings at the top. ^_^
Ashleygeeky_ginger on August 26th, 2007 11:46 pm (UTC)
Yeah...I've gotta look for more of these now. ;)
tell the world i'm coming home: btvs // spander // should we tell them?kituralb on August 15th, 2007 12:10 am (UTC)

*is speechless*

I'm so in love with this. I hope to see more soon!
Nicole: Yes she said Spander.blue_icy_rose on August 25th, 2007 12:27 am (UTC)
Hee! Thanks! Hopefully there'll be more soon. :)
avamclean: Boy on Boy (Torchwood)avamclean on August 15th, 2007 02:13 am (UTC)
So I never thought that Xander and Dean could be hot. *ponders* Of course I kept hoping Buffy would hop into bed with them but that's just my mental retaliation to the boys always getting two girls and not the girl getting two guys. There really should be more stories like that.

“That’s...really disturbing.”

That was so perfectly Dean, I could even see his eyebrows doing the little lift before dropping into a frown. This was nicely done, sweets. Thanks for sharing.
Nicole: Jensen! Guns!blue_icy_rose on August 25th, 2007 12:31 am (UTC)
Oh man, now I have the image of Buffy hopping into bed with them stuck in my head. If that ever happens, I'm laying all the blame at your feet. Just to let you know. (I figure it's only fair to give you some warning. ^_^ ) Or I suppose I could channel it into the Spike/Dru/Xander I've been meaning to finish. That'll work.

Thanks, Ava!
The Katie: Buzzcocks Noel Punk Dancekatie__pillar on August 15th, 2007 03:13 pm (UTC)
It would just be cruel and unusual punishment if this isn't the beginning of a longer thing. And I love the thought of Dean/Xander.
Nicole: Gleeful!Sam - how could you resist?blue_icy_rose on August 25th, 2007 12:32 am (UTC)
*grins* Maybe someday in the future it'll become a longer thing. For now though, I've got other fics that I have yet to finish. Thanks for reading!
celli on August 28th, 2007 02:37 am (UTC)
Oh, this was so much fun!